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Imposter Syndrome Blues

This year has been a huge test of my growth. After loosing my producer Beatnerd Hub I really didn't think that I would be doing music anymore. I couldn't find the passion nor the desire to continue. All my life I wanted my best friend, the one that just got me..musically, intellectually, and emotionally. Our relationship was very fast but provided so much healing. The most bittersweet part being that the artist I am today wouldn't be here without the loss of Hub. I stopped writing, I stopped going to events, I stopped listening to the radio during my drives. I wanted to escape music because too many emotions were attached. Somewhere around month 3 I went completely numb. I couldn't even listen to instrumentals. I had to start therapy; which sparked a thought..What happens to my creative if i'm no longer broken. Do I still get to call myself an artist if I can't pull from authentic pain? Do I even visualize myself as an artist or even a creative anymore? Would I enjoy making "happy" surface level music? Too many questions. Fast forward to around month 7, and for a a couple weeks straight there was this brown moth that followed me every day at work. I mean from the time I parked in the parking lot it would be sitting on my windshield, when I walked up to the doors it would be on the wall, and when I would go outside for a quick break it would return to my windshield. I knew it was Hub! I said my anger filled miss you's, love you's..and no lie it was like a episode of That's so Raven. Instead of seeing the future I saw the moment me and Hub were listening to the finalized "Only Human". I was in my own head space and didn't even realize the tears falling from his eyes until I heard the song repeat 2 more times. That small moment back in time gave me the courage and validation to face my emotions and get back to the game plan we had started: Bringing the authentic emotions back to hip hop. That memory in time created Imposter Syndrome Blues..Coming Soon 😉


Imposter Syndrome Blues


i’ve been running from the mic

not ready to expose thoughts

that I don’t talk about

jackal and hyde

but i’m no gemini

just healing childhood trauma

that keeps me up at night

refusing to let people in

cracked without the fiend

what happens to my creative if i’m not broken

going through these imposter syndrome blues

who am i? some days i have no clue

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